Another Chapter

It has come to an end, not my career as a photojournalist, but my time with Zaobao. I have entered the profession as a young photographer, chasing dreams of seeing the world, hoping to photograph life as it plays out in front of me, knowing that a true photojournalist has to put his/her emotions to the test as he lifts the camera to his eye. I never thought about making it rich ever since I step into this field. I wanted not just to see the world, but to feel, to witness, to narrate, to make sense of, and to report on conflicts, catastrophes and to be in trying situations, to feel alive. Every day shall be a new adventure, no more Monday blues, no more paper work or meeting. I had enough of that for 2 years as an airport project engineer. I had decided that this will be my profession during my first year of undergraduate studies while on a scholarship. Thoughts of breaking my scholarship bond came to mind, but it was too expensive and I knew getting a staff position at a newspaper would be almost impossible.

2 months of serving tables at a cafe and 2 months of internship at The Straits Times allowed me buy my first film SLR, then Im off to Vietnam, my first backpacking trip with my Buddy, BT. It was an adventure, and the movie "The Motorcycle Diaries" also reminded me of that period of my life. I had a buddy, we shared a motorbike, and we love to take pictures. Little did I know that it is also the period that will have the greatest influence on my life, not just my career.

I completed my studies with a 2nd Upper class honours (Good enough to meet the scholarship requirement), without ever wanting to become an engineer. I just have to fulfill my obligations, and not make my parents pay for my education. It came as a shock, a pleasant one, when I was told that I as not required to serve my bond. The next day, I wrote to the Straits Times picture editor, hoping to get a staff position as a photojournalist. It was 2 years after 9/11 then, and apprarently the economy wasn't picking up, and there was no vacancy.

I had to get a job, and wait for the right time to try again. It was to be a 2 years wait (as an airport engineer), then I got another job as a project engineer, this time with JTC. Both will add up nicely to my resume, if I were to stay on as an engineer. I stayed 3 months at JTC and left once the offer from Zaobao came along. I was just trying my luck when I wrote in to enquire. A staff photographer, Bob had transfered out to another paper. Luck was on my side. I remembered that it was a Friday, and I was walking to a meeting with contractors with long-sleeved shirt and pants, when I received the call. I think I was smiling and half-listening throughout the meeting, and thinking that I would not have to wear sleeves and pants anymore.

From then, my 5.5 years with Zaobao began. I was still young, ambitious and full of drive. I got my first issued camera, a beat-up Canon Mark 2 (from Bob), but still does it job well. I was the youngest at Zaobao for 3 years, and took on more assignments and initiative, some self-initiated ones than others. I never doubted my performance and never screwed up once. It reaches the point when I look at the others around me, and thought, if my efforts are worthwhile. There was no competition, no pressure to excel. I became fairly comfortable with the pace, which was easy. Then I have too much time on my hands, and began looking at something else to do off-work. At the same time, I was dis-illusioned. This is not what I  had wanted to do. One good, challenging assignment came around occasionally, but most time, we were shooting according to the requirements of the paper or the few decision-makers: simple, straight-forward, and don't rock the boat too much. We were assuming that our readers want that. We were not allowed to tease their brains a little.

Most time, when I had a great shot, which can only happen if I was assigned to an interesting assignment, got the shot, and passed through layers of scrutiny by my supervisors, photo-editor, sub-editors, and senior editor. To make it big and on the front page requires the story to be of page-one value. No great picture can make it to the front on its own, then there was the cropping, which can either enhance, or destroy the picture. Most time, I was disappointed. It became a job, and the passion was rekindled occasionally, when I was shooting for myself. I was overseas assignment twice, on my own accord, when I felt alive as a photographer. Both were sports event and made possible after some conflicts with my boss. I guess I was rocking the boat a little too much.

I made great friends at Zaobao, and grew "seasoned" as a news photographer, but there was no breakthrough. I got my monthly paycheck, but was looking for something more. At the back of my mind, I yearned to relive those moments, when photography was so much fun, when there was no formula to be followed. 5 years on, I still could not see eye to eye with my bosses. It had became a job to them, and they have stopped shooting altogether. They could not convince me with anything they said or demanded in terms of photography. My "education"in photojournalism, which were from books and magazines and a great deal from Magnum photographers, was considered unorthodox.

I am grateful that I was able to earn a living with a camera these 5 years, but I have stopped growing as a photographer, a photojournalist. Commitment, responsibility, decision-making etc were lacking, and the change which we young photographers hoped for seemed like an impossible dream. It was a paper that has fallen behind, and there was no motivation to change, to do it differently. Status quo was the best insurance and change was a dirty word. It became a locomotive running on steam, which can't go fast enough, but carry on its journey with a heavy load, on a track that bring it to the same destination. Nothing can stop it, and yet, nothing can move it off its track.

In a week's time, I will join The Straits Times. It may not be the same paper as 10 years ago, but I believe it is the right move. There will be competition and standards are high. The young and even some of the older photogs are a driven bunch, who produce photo-stories and multi-media week after week. It will be hard work, but I hope to get more satisfaction out if it. I know that some of the obstacles to having a good picture published will also be present at Straits Times, but there will be more room to explore, and more platform to showcase. I am grateful for the friendship and career-kickstart from Zaobao. I will end the same way as my letter to the editors, "I hope to be able to say proudly, that I came from ZBphoto".

General Election

Its been quite a ride for the past 1 month. Politics and politicians go about showing their faces and garnering votes. A reservist in-camp  training took me out of that mundane walkabouts for a weekend, and its top gear once I went back to work. Politician started verbal sparring, through us, the media and there were countless press conferences, staged events, walkabouts, new campaigns and initiatives, until I got a bit sick of seeing them.

The fun came when the rally starts. It was when I got to see what is politics all about, the people. Emotions run high during opposition rally speeches, and we, the media were often the target of criticism. There were a few sarcastic remarks, but it does not really bother me. The crescendo of these weeks of campaign was last night, or rather 4 hours ago. I am glad it came to an end, after nights of returning home at 1am. But most of all, Im glad we have progressed as a country. It is short of the 1980s people power revolution in Philippines, but the people of Aljunied, and most of Singapore, has make ourselves heard. We want a good government, not a dominant one. The fact that the ruling PAP apologises and admitted its mistakes made in the past 3 years, has changed people's perception of our leaders. There were seemed to be faultless, but not anymore.

Im glad that Workers Party managed to win a GRC and 1 SMC to put 6 of them into parliament. I hope this augurs well for us, Singaporeans, as we have matured and we want to be involved in bringing our country forward.

As I write this, the 6am national anthem is showing on TV.

Family Trip

It was our 2nd, but the furthest yet. The first was when to Bangkok when she was only 4 months old. We skipped those mid-range ones and headed all the way to Copenhagen, then Paris.

It was only 8 days as we were worried that the cold weather would affect Jiaxin. It was snowing in Copenhagen and 0-5 degrees in Paris. In fact, I was not really keen on the trip because of that, but Thao had to go for a conference. The 12 hour flight was tiring, as we hardly slept, trying to make sure she does not make too much noise or went hungry. It was certainly a relieve once we reached the apartment in Copenhagen. Seeing her running around and playing with the owner's iMac was a wonderful moment. We planned our time according to her routine, and cooked for all our meals. It was totally different from our honeymoon or any other trip as a couple. This time, I couldn't help but keep checking if she is warm and comfortable. Previously, we headed out as much as we could. But now, even time spent in the warmed-up apartment are beautiful moments.

It was only then that I realised we had all of her to ourselves and all of ourselves for her. There was no work, no errands, just time with our daughter. We went to Tivoli, 2nd oldest amusement park in the world (opened in 1843), but it was to cold. I hope the pics I took and the musical box we bought for her will remind her of this intimate time we had in Copenhagen and Paris.

Before the trip, she was away from me for a few days and our distance grew apart. You can feel it from babies, quantity is what matters to them, not quality time. Im glad this trip made up for it. We had to be together for a few hours as Thao went for her conference in Copenhagen, and I was afraid that she would not be comforted by Papa's presence, but she turned out fine and we had a really nice afternoon in the apartment.

Paris weather was slightly warmer, but chilly nevertheless. It was a nice city, even better without the crowd. I cooked my first dish, Sichuan duck soup in Paris. It was edible and Im proud of it. I was more a housewife, and Thao a nanny for this trip.

My family only had 1 trip together to Malaysia when I was in Pri 3 I think. Our finances were tight, and that was all we can afford. Still, it meant alot for me. I guess its the only time we can spend days just being together as a family.

Home-cooked meal in Copenhagen

Tivoli Gardens,  Copenhagen.

Lunch at Printemps rooftop, Paris. Jiaxin got the only junk food which we allowed.

Papa and Mama had a similar pic taken 3 yrs ago during their honeymoon. Jiaxin is sleeping like a baby kangaroo.

Catch Me If You Can

That's the name of a movie by Leonardo Di Caprio. Did not watch it, but the name is catchy and best depict my current situation. Trying to catch up on readings and can't believe the stacks of paper piling up on my bookshelf. Thought its going to be manageable and squeezed in 3 modules for this semester, now I catching up everyday. The course is interesting though, but to truly enjoy and learn from it, I should take it easy, starting from next sem. For now, this blog has to undergo maintenance work for the next 2 months, and will start writing when exams are over.

Thoughts on Sports

Skepticism prevents enthusiasm. That is the personal lesson I have learnt now that the Youth Olympics Games has started. Before this opening ceremony, I was one of those who was not too enthusiastic about the coming of the YOG into Singapore, for a few reasons. The inconvenience like traffic delays, longer working hours in covering the games, being the host of a game and producing no winners of our own, post-NDP fatigue etc.

The moment that change all this perception is the lighting up of the Olympic flame at the opening ceremony. Seeing athletes whom I have photographed carrying the torch and running on floating bridges before the beautiful "running-on-water" by World Sailing champion Darren Choy fills me with pride. It was devoid of grandeur, yet creative and beautiful. And most of all, those were my countrymen.

The torch relay that spans across the whole island a week leading up to the Opening could have prepared me for this. Logistically, it was an achievement, and it really brought the spirit of the games to each and every corner of Singapore, and every uncle and auntie sitting at the coffeeshop or hanging out their laundry could have seen or heard the flame passing up. I follwed it for half a day and the story of the 12 yrs old boy chasing the flame for 2.5 hrs and 15km touches our hearts. That was the pure determination and innocence of a child, who does not need motivation in other forms that even professional athletes desire. It was a simple story that carries an undelying message to Singaporean what sports is about.

Sidenote: I have never considered F1 to be a sport. It is a show, of fast cars, and women. Drivers are stars only because we made them out to be. Will they be as good if more people have access to racing cars? How much does it take to form a F1 racing team, as compared to a football team or a pair of running shoes?


I covered the first event of the Games, the girls triathlon. After covering games overseas, its a nice feeling to be wearing the photog vest at home, and I can go home to take a shower right after it ends.

The IOC has decided not have a medal tally, for the YOG to allow sportsmanship and the spirit of sports to prevail. That is a good move, but the media has started to maintain a medal tally of their own.

Being a sportsman myself in my schooldays, I am able to feel the tension, ecstatic, the lump in your throat beside the start of the race, or the goosebumps as the crowd cheered you, while shooting from the sidelines. Sports has benefitted me for life, the sacrifices made and the pain endured prepares you for life's challenges, and I will be supportive if my kids chose to be an athlete. I think Jiaxin is developing well for a runner....but its tough sport. Maybe a fencer will be fine.

There is a tinge of regret for pulling out of the YOG team due to my studies, but the Games will pass, and the next one will come along (not in Singapore though), but an opportunity for an education should not be missed. I will not be involved too much in this one, the most I can do is to catch the highlights every night. Organizing a Games of such scale is not small feat, and we have done it in 2 years. So, bask in the glory while it last.

The Insensitive Media Personnel

The mood was one of grief and shock. A 24 year old Malay youth, Mohamed Asrul has drowned at the Singapore River. He had been drinking with his buddies at the waterfront next to Central Mall after watching the World Cup. At about 7am, he fell into the water and lost consciousness, 2 of his buddies tried to pull him up but failed, as they were not strong swimmers themselves.

Together with my reporter, we arrived to find his 3 buddies sitting in daze and shock outside the cordon which the police has set up around the body of Asrul. I had to work quickly and sensitively, hence, I tried to keep my distance and take a few shots, rather than fire off randomly. The chinese reporters were already interviewing the 3 buddies and had got most of the info. It is always easier to talk to Malays in such circumstances. I can be sure that if it the group is Chinese, we would get nothing and might get chased away.

A female reporter from the English papers appeared and asked me "is he dead?", "He drown?"
I was trying not to be sarcastic and wished she was using a softer tone considering the fact that we were 15 metres away from the buddies and the dead man. I replied "yes" with a slight smile, thinking what the hell is this young lady doing??? Even if the technique of interviewing was not taught in school, she should have some common sense and sensitivity for things that are right before her eyes. She proceed to join in the "questioning" of the buddies, asking them "Can you tell me what happen?"

She was lucky they were Malays and very accomodating. The have been through enough and were still recovering from the shock of losing a childhood friend right before their eyes only hours before. It would have been better she were to sit beside them and ask tactfully. The other reporters had already backed off, and she was still standing right in from of the buddies asking and writing on her note book. The "questioning" was interrupted more than once by calls from her bosses back in office wanting to know what happened. I know how this works, and it is perfectly alright to ignore the calls and report back later, given the fact that the persons involved in such situation are willing to talk.

Reflecting back on what happened throughout, I was guilty of insensitivity too. I took shots of the buddies without making much eye contact with them. The heart breaking moment was when the 3 buddies have to help wrap of the body of Asrul before the undertaker took him away. They were still drinking and smoking before this moment, and I thought it might be their way of coping with the grief. With tatooed bodies and cigarette still on his lips, the closest friend who tried to save Asrul touch his friend's forehead and cried. I shot, stopped, shot and looked, forcing myself not to hide behind the camera.

We left with what we have gotten soon after the body was taken away. The media has gotten their stories and the only good they might have done is to remind the public of the dangers and probably pressure the authorities to take preventive measure, because Asrul's  buddies are accomodating, but they are left with the guilt of failing to save their friend and may have to break the news to his family.

Back to School!

Looking forward to it in August. I was accepted into the Master of Arts course, Southeast Asian studies at NUS. In fact, the day before I received the good news, I was at the Institute of SE Asian Studies for a job and had this thought that it would be nice to be here, given the nice bookstore and quiet ambience. 

Looking forward to it, but not the lack of sleep which Im sure that will happen in the next 2 years. The scholarship did not materialise and I have to do it part-time, classes after work. That also means my baby girl, Jia Xin will be asleep when I get home after classes. Sacrifices have to be made in order to have more options in life, and complacency is the last thing I wish to happen to me.